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- THE COMEDY OF ERRORS
-
- Act 3 Scene 1
-
- (Enter Antipholus of Ephesus, his man Dromio, Angelo the goldsmith, and
- Balthasar the merchant)
- l1l Antipholus Of Ephesus Good Signor Angelo, you must excuse us all.
- l2l My wife is shrewish when I keep not hours.
- l3l Say that I lingered with you at your shop
- l4l To see the making of her carcanet,
- l5l And that tomorrow you will bring it home.ù
- l6l But hereÆs a villain that would face me down
- l7l He met me on the mart, and that I beat him,
- l8l And charged him with a thousand marks in gold,
- l9l And that I did deny my wife and house.
- l10l Thou drunkard, thou, what didst thou mean by this?
- l11l Dromio Of Ephesus Say what you will, sir, but I know what I knowù
- l12l That you beat me at the mart I have your hand to show.
- l13l If the skin were parchment, and the blows you gave were
- ink,
- l14l Your own handwriting would tell you what I think.
- l15l Antipholus Of Ephesus I think thou art an ass.
- Dromio Of Ephesus Marry, so it doth appear
- l16l By the wrongs I suffer and the blows I bear.
- l17l I should kick being kicked, and, being at that pass,
- l18l You would keep from my heels, and beware of an ass.
- l19l Antipholus Of Ephesus YouÆre sad, Signor Balthasar. Pray God our
- cheer
- l20l May answer my good will, and your good welcome here.
- l21l Balthasar I hold your dainties cheap, sir, and your welcome dear.
- l22l Antipholus Of Ephesus O, Signor Balthasar, either at flesh or fish
- l23l A table full of welcome makes scarce one dainty dish.
- l24l Balthasar Good meat, sir, is common; that every churl affords.
- l25l Antipholus Of Ephesus And welcome more common, for thatÆs
- nothing but words.
- l26l Balthasar Small cheer and great welcome makes a merry feast.
- l27l Antipholus Of Ephesus Ay, to a niggardly host and more sparing
- guest.
- l28l But though my cates be mean, take them in good part.
- l29l Better cheer may you have, but not with better heart.
- l30l But soft, my door is locked.
- (To Dromio) Go bid them let us in.
- Dromio Of Ephesus (calling)
- l31l Maud, Bridget, Marian, Cicely, Gillian, Ginn!
- (Enter Dromio of Syracuse within the Phoenix)
- Dromio Of Syracuse (within the Phoenix)
- l32l Mome, malt-horse, capon, coxcomb, idiot, patch!
- l33l Either get thee from the door or sit down at the hatch.
- l34l Dost thou conjure for wenches, that thou callÆst for such
- store
- l35l When one is one too many? Go, get thee from the door.
- l36l Dromio Of Ephesus What patch is made our porter? My master stays in
- the street.
- Dromio Of Syracuse (within)
- l37l Let him walk from whence he came, lest he catch cold on
- Æs feet.
- l38l Antipholus Of Ephesus Who talks within there? Ho, open the door!
- Dromio Of Syracuse (within the Phoenix)
- l39l Right, sir, IÆll tell you when, an youÆll tell me wherefore.
- l40l Antipholus Of Ephesus Wherefore? For my dinnerùI have not dined
- today.
- Dromio Of Syracuse (within the Phoenix)
- l41l Nor today here you must not. Come again when you may.
- l42l Antipholus Of Ephesus What art thou that keepÆst me out from the
- house I owe?
- Dromio Of Syracuse (within the Phoenix)
- l43l The porter for this time, sir, and my name is Dromio.
- l44l Dromio Of Ephesus O villain, thou hast stolÆn both mine office and my
- name.
- l45l The one neÆer got me credit, the other mickle blame.
- l46l If thou hadst been Dromio today in my place,
- l47l Thou wouldst have changed thy pate for an aim, or thy
- name for an ass.
- (Enter Nell within the Phoenix)
- Nell (within the Phoenix)
- l48l What a coil is there, Dromio? Who are those at the gate?
- l49l Dromio Of Ephesus Let my master in, Nell.
- Nell (within the Phoenix) Faith no, he comes too late;
- l50l And so tell your master.
- Dromio Of Ephesus O Lord, I must laugh.
- l51l Have at you with a proverb: ôShall I set in my staff?ö
- Nell (within the Phoenix)
- l52l Have at you with anotherùthatÆs ôWhen? Can you tell?ö
- l53l Dromio Of Syracuse (within the Phoenix)
- If thy name be called Nell, Nell, thou hast answered him
- well.
- l54l [ ]
- Antipholus Of Ephesus (to Nell)
- l55l Do you hear, you minion? YouÆll let us in, I hope?
- l56l Nell (within the Phoenix) I thought to have asked you.
- Dromio Of Syracuse (within) And you said no.
- l57l Dromio Of Ephesus So, come help.
- (He and Antipholus beat the door)
- Well struck! There was blow for blow.
- l58l Antipholus Of Ephesus (to Nell) Thou baggage, let me in.
- Nell (within the Phoenix) Can you tell for whose sake?
- l59l Dromio Of Ephesus Master, knock the door hard.
- Nell (within the Phoenix) Let him knock till it ache.
- l60l Antipholus Of Ephesus YouÆll cry for this, minion, if I beat the door
- down.
- Nell (within the Phoenix)
- l61l What needs all that, and a pair of stocks in the town?
- (Enter Adriana within the Phoenix)
- Adriana (within the Phoenix)
- l62l Who is that at the door that keeps all this noise?
- Dromio Of Syracuse (within the Phoenix)
- l63l By my troth, your town is troubled with unruly boys.
- Antipholus Of Ephesus (to Adriana)
- l64l Are you there, wife? You might have come before.
- Adriana (within the Phoenix)
- l65l Your wife, sir knave? Go, get you from the door.
- (Exit with Nell)
- Dromio Of Ephesus (to Antipholus)
- l66l If you went in pain, master, this knave would go sore.
- Angelo (to Antipholus)
- l67l Here is neither cheer, sir, nor welcome; we would fain
- have either.
- l68l Balthasar In debating which was best, we shall part with neither.
- Dromio Of Ephesus (to Antipholus)
- l69l They stand at the door, master. Bid them welcome hither.
- l70l Antipholus Of Ephesus There is something in the wind, that we cannot
- get in.
- l71l Dromio Of Ephesus You would say so, master, if your garments were
- thin.
- l72l Your cake here is warm within: you stand here in the cold.
- l73l It would make a man mad as a buck to be so bought and
- sold.
- l74l Antipholus Of Ephesus Go fetch me something. IÆll break ope the gate.
- Dromio Of Syracuse (within the Phoenix)
- l75l Break any breaking here, and IÆll break your knaveÆs pate.
- l76l Dromio Of Ephesus A man may break a word with you, sir, and words
- are but wind;
- l77l Ay, and break it in your face, so he break it not behind.
- Dromio Of Syracuse (within the Phoenix)
- l78l It seems thou wantÆst breaking. Out upon thee, hind!
- l79l Dromio Of Ephesus HereÆs too much ôOut upon thee!ö I pray thee, let
- me in.
- Dromio Of Syracuse (within the Phoenix)
- l80l Ay, when fowls have no feathers, and fish have no fin.
- l81l Antipholus Of Ephesus Well, IÆll break in.ùGo borrow me a crow.
- l82l Dromio Of Ephesus A crow without feather? Master, mean you so?
- l83l For a fish without a fin, thereÆs a fowl without a feather.
- (To Dromio of Syracuse)
- l84l If a crow help us in, sirrah, weÆll pluck a crow together.
- l85l Antipholus Of Ephesus Go, get thee gone. Fetch me an iron crow.
- l86l Balthasar Have patience, sir. O, let it not be so!
- l87l Herein you war against your reputation,
- l88l And draw within the compass of suspect
- l89l ThÆ unviolated honour of your wife.
- l90l Once this: your long experience of her wisdom,
- l91l Her sober virtue, years, and modesty,
- l92l Plead on her part some cause to you unknown;
- l93l And doubt not, sir, but she will well excuse
- l94l Why at this time the doors are made against you.
- l95l Be ruled by me. Depart in patience,
- l96l And let us to the Tiger all to dinner,
- l97l And about evening come yourself alone
- l98l To know the reason of this strange restraint.
- l99l If by strong hand you offer to break in
- l100l Now in the stirring passage of the day,
- l101l A vulgar comment will be made of it,
- l102l And that supposΦd by the common rout
- l103l Against your yet ungallΦd estimation,
- l104l That may with foul intrusion enter in
- l105l And dwell upon your grave when you are dead.
- l106l For slander lives upon succession,
- l107l For ever housed where once it gets possession.
- l108l Antipholus Of Ephesus You have prevailed. I will depart in quiet,
- l109l And in despite of mirth mean to be merry.
- l110l I know a wench of excellent discourse,
- l111l Pretty and witty; wild, and yet, too, gentle.
- l112l There will we dine. This woman that I mean,
- l113l My wifeùbut, I protest, without desertù
- l114l Hath oftentimes upbraided me withal.
- l115l To her will we to dinner. (To Angelo) Get you home
- l116l And fetch the chain. By this, I know, Ætis made.
- l117l Bring it, I pray you, to the Porcupine,
- l118l For thereÆs the house. That chain will I bestowù
- l119l Be it for nothing but to spite my wifeù
- l120l Upon mine hostess there. Good sir, make haste:
- l121l Since mine own doors refuse to entertain me,
- l122l IÆll knock elsewhere, to see if theyÆll disdain me.
- l123l Angelo IÆll meet you at that place some hour hence.
- l124l Antipholus Of Ephesus Do so.
- (Exit Angelo)
- This jest shall cost me some expense.
- (Exeunt Dromio of Syracuse within the Phoenix, and the
- others into the Porcupine)
-